Sunday, July 22, 2012

Olympic Hats

Much has been said this past week about the new Olympic uniforms. Mainly, it was criticism of them being made in China. Now that they have pledged to make the next batch state front, and two weeks worth of work for about thirty people has been planned for some time in the year 2015, we can move on to the secondary criticism which was aimed at the hats the athletes will be wearing. Ralph Lauren chose berets, which some patriotic Americans feel are a little too French. Sacre Bleu, I say!

Since the hats have already been made, and nobody involved wants to lose money by ditching them, I'd like to offer my suggestions for less controversial pieces next time around. Looking ahead to 2016, here's some ideas I have for head wear in the next Olympics which will avoid any homage to our international frenemy:

Since we aren't too fond of the French these days, maybe we could take our cues from our most loyal ally, the British. An American tweaked bowler cap would be quite distinctive. We could accent the outfit with a monocle to give it a sense of style that is not quite timeless, but would be timeful.

If we decide to stick to something more American, we could go with the simple baseball cap. Baseball is the all-American sport, after all. Everybody in America wears baseball caps; and we wear them all the time. We wear them to baseball games, to picnics, to school, and to restaurants. We wear them so much, I've gotten sick of them. They're way on the casual side, but Americans do pride themselves on their lack of deportment. These would go over without a hitch for everybody but me.

The cowboy hat is a quintessential part of American lore, even though nobody really wears them except to rodeos and country music concerts. They are pretty damn sexy, and we can all appreciate that, but I don't think they would really work without blue jeans and boots.

Beanies are still popular, (aren't they?) Our athletes could go for that "gangsta" look. The 2016 Games are scheduled to be held in Rio De Janeiro, where it's hot, so I'm thinking it's probably better to save these for the winter games.

My personal favorite is the fedora. Distinctive for both the American gangster (that's "gangSTER," not "gangSTA", thank you very much.) and the film noire detective. You can never go wrong with a fedora, no matter how uncool you are. It would nix the whole "made in America" theme they have planned though, because fedora's should only be made in Italy.

And as for those giant Ralph Lauren polo ponies emblazoned on this years jackets; it's tacky. I for one would not want to pay to be a walking advertisement. I'd rather wear a beret.

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